I am completely and possibly irrevocably f-ed up. Sorry for the vulgarity of my choice of word, but that's exactly how I feel right now.
These past few days have been the most confusing and f-ed up days of my life, causing my emotions to go on an uproar. There have been a lot of things in my mind lately that have been bugging the creepers out of me. I tried talking about it with my friends and some other people, but no one and nothing seems to be helping me get out that. I tried every possible thing that can make me happy, but sadly, nothing seems to be working out for me. One thing that's been making my emotions boil up is about college.
MY COLLEGE to be specific.
Don't get me wrong, I love my school. The rarity of its surroundings never ceases to amaze me. However, there's just something wrong about the vibe and possibly the crowd that doesn't feel right. To clear things up, I have friends and a..."best friend" (if you guys know what I mean), but there's just something different with my college friends, compared to my high school ones. Maybe it's because I knew my HS friends for the longest time compared to my college friends. Maybe it takes me months or maybe another year to fully ease up to them. As the saying goes, high school friends are IRREPLACEABLE. No matter how much we fight, or get involved in dramas, they are still irreplaceable.
Another thing that I'm not comfortable about is my course. For those of you who don't know what I'm taking up in college, I'm currently taking up Pre-Dentistry with parents who are both dentists. I'm also an only child, which makes it more difficult for me to get out of dentistry. I like my course. Ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to become either a medical doctor or a dental doctor. However, every time I pass by a dental clinic or I walk through the Dental building in my school, I couldn't seem to grasp the fact that someday I'll be one of those dental students sitting in a dental chair and treating people's teeth. Every time I imagine it, I can see a vague picture of me sitting and wearing something white, that's it.
I know that it's pretty normal for people to have second thoughts about their decisions in life. In my case, I'm having seconds about my college and my course. But then again, there's always a reason WHY certain things happen. WHY I was brought here, WHY am I doing this. There's always a reason that's yet to be discovered.
I just hope I get to see it before it's too late.